[Humans of Courage] Chú Đông, Bến Tre

I became sick when she was only 6 years old. My wife had taken our two sons away, back to her mother's house, and leaving our daughter alone with me. I remember my heart ached every time I saw my little girl visiting me in the hospital.

At the time, I could not eat anything; I was hungry, but all I could ever swallow was water. She only started first grade then but every day she would carry a 5-liter bottle of water up the stairs on her way to visit her father. Every single day. That image remains imprinted in my memory: the tiny figure of hers walking alone on the hospital stairs.

Most of my relatives who came to see me often stood in a distance: no one dared to get close to my bed. Only her and my elder sister Hai were always around.

There were days when I thought that this is the end of me, that I would not be able to survive. So I called her in for a few last words, telling her to keep going to school every day; that she should listen to her aunt when I weren’t there. She would have to help Hai with house chores: it is a way to repay Hai for raising her. And that she should live kindly. If I could survive, I would be able to take care of her, but it would be much harder for her if I didn’t.

But that could not stop me from worrying. What would happen after I died? There were still relatives taking care of my daughter, I knew, but there’s nothing like the love of a parent.

And then, all of a sudden, people started talking about this cure, the ARV treatment, they called it. I had no idea what it could do to me. The doctor told me to take it, and that I must follow the strict treatment through and through. So I started taking in ARV, and after just a couple of months, I felt revived. It was then I realized that this medicine could actually save me and that I would not have to be afraid anymore.

As my health improved, the stigma arose. My hair, after months in the hospital, was long. But no one would want to give me a haircut. They made all kinds of excuses to not touch me. I had to find a hairdresser far far away, where no one knew me, to get it done. Or when I had meals with others or asked to hold babies of my relatives, they all would look obviously uncomfortable.

Looking back, of all the people who discriminated against me, although they are not HIV positive, many have fallen sick to other illnesses, and some cannot even live as long as I do. Just look at how many people having arthritis nowadays. My sisters and a cousin have that, and they suffer so much from the pain. Me? I feel great, hardly have such severe health issues, not even a cold even though I drive motorbike taxi through rain or shine for the last 10 years. I think that everyone has health problems at some points in life, but I am lucky as mine can be treated with this medicine for free, and now I am healthy and have little to worry about.

I sent my little daughter away to live with her aunt a couple of years ago. That's for her own good. She has grown into a young woman now and if there is any who is interested in her, I don't want me and my condition scaring them off.

Now she is 19 and has just worked for a private company for a month. I take her to work everyday!

I don't mind being hungry and stuff, but I'd never let my daughter having an empty stomach for once. So while I managed to live on VND10,000 ($0.4) a day, every morning I give her just as much money for her breakfast alone and an additional VND15,000 for her lunch. In the evening when I take her home, I will ask if she would like some snack so I can buy for her. It is my way of showing her my love, and for her to know that her father will always be there for her.

But there is a problem: she is getting chubbier. My sisters have been nagging me about overindulging her, spoiling her with too much food. Now she is over 60 kilograms and only over one meter and a half tall. She has started her diet recently, so I have had to give up my habit of meeting every of her food craves.

My health has been fine for 10 years. I work as a motorbike taxi rider. When I don't have any clients, I help members of the HIV-positive club in Ben Tre City, called Green Coconuts, if they need a ride to the hospital or need me to run some errands for them. I think we are in this fight together, so we should help each other out whenever we can, whether it is chipping in money or just offering free rides to someplace. Whatever life throws at us, as my motto goes, never let go. Try to lead to a good life, without being a burden to society.” – Mr. Dong, Ben Tre

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