“It’s good to have a family that always accompanies you and sympathizes, regardless of the situation. If there is reincarnation, I still want to be my parents’ child.”
Looking back on what I have lived through during my 21 years on earth, I can see clearly how my family has always nurtured me and helped me to grow day by day.
My awareness of my sexual orientation and gender expression was formed quite early. Unlike my male friends, I didn’t like playing rough games and didn’t have feelings for girls. It was not until 12th grade that I was brave enough to live as my true self and fall in love with someone for the first time. Despite that courage, I still had worries on my mind.
My family was situated in a mountainous area, so their customs and ways of seeing things were very different - in other words, very conventional. I was afraid that their perspectives would not only deny but also crush all my small hopes and desires. I didn’t know if, when I had to deal with family, relatives and friends, I would be able to keep my courage.
“Only when a knife could cut water would our family bond be broken.”
That was what my father told me. Those words helped me shed all my long-borne burdens. Although I knew my family had not fully accepted me, the fact that my parents were not harsh with me was already a fortunate reality. My dad also said that as long as I lived a decent life, abided by the law and could be respected by others, nothing else would really matter. That’s all I really needed, and I sincerely appreciated the moment.
I came out to my family not just once, but twice. The first time was about my sexuality and the second time was about my HIV status. When I was notified of my test result, it took me more than a month to calm down. Knowing about one’s HIV status is always a dreadful shock, especially for young people. Then I learned everything about HIV and also received encouragement from others. I calmed down, understanding that it was an accident.
At this time, my family also became aware of my HIV status, so my dad and I spent a lot of time confiding in each other. Although there was sadness in his expression, dad still encouraged me: “No matter who you are, you are still my son, you are my own flesh and blood.”
I used to be so careless, but this year I feel like I’m much more mature. I can’t just live for myself forever, I should care for my parents, my family, and others. For now, I wish to say thank you to my parents for giving me life, for nurturing and supporting me in all circumstances. I love mom and dad so much.