La Lam's story - Safer Homes for LGBTIQ People Campaign

No longer only existing in fiction as in the past, La Lam has stepped out into the real world, with pride.

I still remember my special notebook back in high school years. It was as thick as a lesson plan folder, recording the story of a young boy called La Lam. His dream may be the same as for others, that is to know and establish oneself, but his journey is not that ordinary. The boy wants to live life as a girl, mirroring my very own dream.

I was born and raised in a family with financial difficulties. To an extent, even buying extra notebooks or pens was a big problem for us. I caught crabs, I collected snails, I waded through the stretching fields despite the heat in mid-July. After saving some money, I finally had two notebooks to write my dream stories. I wrote day and night aiming at passing the university entrance exam of Hanoi Academy of Theater and Cinema. Perhaps the enthusiasm came from the pressure, discrimination and stigma that I had to face every day. Leaving the terrible loneliness out of my mind, I only had La Lam to accompany me and confide in.

Yet, a story on a thin sheet of paper can easily be taken away by someone else. Amid the family's heated arguments on the gender issue, my mom took my notebook and threw it into the fire. I desperately watched the fragments of my soul slowly turning to ashes right in front of me. I had always had to endure discrimination by my schoolmates and teachers, teasing and curses by people in the community, and pressure at home. If I could go back to the start of my life, wish I could start it the way I want. Lost in those thoughts, I unconsciously got the bottle of pesticide, shakily brought it to my mouth.

"Your mother does not support you, but I do" - It was dad, with a hard slap pulling me out of my stupid thoughts. He understood that life can never be reversed, it’s one’s choice that will either lead to a meaningless dead-end or change it for the better. The moment awoke me and I realized that my dad had always been there for me. Getting rid of the dark thoughts, I have continued living my true self.

Entering college, my life changed drastically. I publicly came out as a transgender person. I wore long hair and put on women’s clothes. By that time, my family had come to understand better and accept me. I took the courage to undergo gender reaffirmation surgery to have my long-desired female body. I actively participated in community activities, attaining some memorable recognition such as 2016 Vietnam Transgender Beauty Queen, Talented Star of the 2016 Vietnam Transgender Star Award, Friendly Beauty of the 2016 Vietnam Elegant Beauty Contest, and third prize in the 2017 Yen Bai Provincial Ethnic Costume Show. During all these events, my mother accompanied me and took care of everything for me.

Till now, I have never hated my mother. I know that my mom also had her sufferings, concerns, and wishes that have never come true. You have given me life, mom, and that is already happiness, isn’t it?

I still remember seeing mom patching up my blue shirt once, with tears in her eyes. I feel like my mom and dad are always there to patch up the wounds I get from making my true self publicly known.

"La Lam, your dream, I have fulfilled it."